Uncertainty can bring feelings of distress and anxiety to the surface. When left unaddressed, these emotions can be detrimental to a young person’s life. Living in a constant state of anxiety can interfere with one’s ability to function effectively, making it impossible to self-soothe or challenge oneself. As adults, it’s all too easy for us to be dismissive, but whether these fears seem logical or real is truly beside the point. As adults in the lives of young people, we play a critical role: we help them navigate uncertain terrain and support them through transitional times. This does not mean eradicating fear. Rather, it’s about helping young people accept that fear and anxiety are normal and with the right tools, fears can managed and worked through. The truth is: everyone gets scared and we all feel anxiety, but it’s what you do with that fear that has the potential to make all the difference! Unfortunately, fear is not relegated to a specific time of year, it’s ongoing and ever present. We live in a world that makes it difficult to escape fear-inducing conditions. In many cases it is our own self-limiting thought patterns that create anxiety. Maintaining cultural biases, viewing the world through an “us versus them” paradigm, holding onto anger, constantly sitting in judgment and nurturing hatred—all of these patterns set the stage for storms of inner and outer turmoil. As these qualities ripple through society, fear escalates and prevents us from dealing with the real issues at play. What if I’m not good enough? What if he hates me? What if I can’t do it? What if I don’t make friends? These insecurities are natural, but neglecting to acknowledge and deal with them allows them to burrow into our minds, stunt personal growth, and impede our day-to-day lives. Fear is a primal, basic, human emotion. Often, the idea of fear is more anxiety-provoking than the actual situation. Fear of self, fear of others, fear of space—it all boils down to one thing: uncertainty or fear of the unknown. No matter where you focus your anxiety, it’s important to recognize it and see it for what it is: a normal human emotion. It is only after you take this step that you can actually deal with the situation at hand. When it comes to teens, the fears are wide ranging. Some fear failure, others fear the future, and many fret over what might happen due to past actions. Teens have the difficult task of simultaneously navigating the social scene while still figuring out who they are and what they want on a personal level. This imbalance leads to an array of common, very age-appropriate, anxieties. How can I go to that party if everyone is judging me? What if no one asks me to the dance? It’s not cool to like math. For some teens these fears become debilitating and prevent them from engaging with others. According to Martin Covington, Senior Research Psychologist at the Institute for Personality and Social Psychology at UC-Berkeley, a fear of failure is directly linked to one’s self-worth, or the belief that you are valuable as a person. As adults, it is up to us to encourage young people to explore these innermost feelings, acknowledge the ways in which fear may be holding them back, and set an intention to keep approaching the fear, each time it arises. Again, this isn’t about eradicating anxiety. Some of us never overcome our fears, and that’s OK too. It’s about harnessing learning strategies rather than allowing fear to stop us in our tracks.
5 Ways to Help Teens Work with Fear
If we can help teens understand that they are not alone or defective, we can support them to move them from feelings of isolation to feelings of acceptance. Fear is here to stay—it’s our thoughts around it and our relationship to it that must change.
