The aim is to find language that evokes the attitude of loving-kindness and compassion. Here are some guidelines: Phrases should be simple, clear, authentic, and kind. There should be no argument in the mind when we offer ourselves a loving-kindness phrase, only gratitude. You don’t need to use “may I.” Loving-kindness phrases are wishes. “May I” is simply an invitation to incline the heart in a positive direction, meaning “If all the conditions would allow it to be so, then…” The phrases are like blessings. They are not positive affirmations (for example: “I’m becoming healthier every day”). We are simply cultivating good intentions, not pretending things are other than they are. The phrases are designed to evoke goodwill, not good feelings. A common reason for difficulty with loving-kindness meditation is that we have expectations about how we’re supposed to feel. This practice doesn’t directly change our emotions. However, good feelings are an inevitable byproduct of goodwill. The phrases should be general. For example, “May I be healthy” rather than “May I be free from diabetes.” The phrases should be said slowly. There’s no rush—saying the most phrases in the shortest time doesn’t win the race! The phrases should be said warmly, like whispering them into the ear of someone you truly love. Finally, you may address yourself as “I” or “you,” or use your proper name (“George”). You may also use a term of endearment, such as “Sweetheart” or “Dear One.” Addressing yourself in this way supports the attitude of kindness and compassion.
Try it out:
Excerpted from The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook by Kristin Neff, PhD, and Christopher Germer, PhD. © 2018 Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer. Reprinted by permission of Guilford Press.
